what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
