I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize