Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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