What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
