I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
