I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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