it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
