dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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