can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Two words: blizzard sex
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize