she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
