it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
