What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
