their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Randomize
