I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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