And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
