Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
