i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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