look no pants
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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