u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
