Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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