Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
