I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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