Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
