we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
