I just made out with a guy for $7.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
