Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize