Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
