I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
