Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize