Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize