This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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