How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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