Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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