what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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