No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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