Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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