i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
