dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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