"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
