so that wasnt chicken after all
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
