Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
