I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
