Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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