Are we in a gay sports bar?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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