I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
