There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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