last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
