She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
