you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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