I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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