holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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