i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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