I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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