trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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