it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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