his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
sex in a hospital.. check
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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