I'm lost and stupid without you.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
