i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
