She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I love you. Go after that dick
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize