so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
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