My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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