Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
His hands were made for my vagina.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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