Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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