i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
