Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
