I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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