a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
