the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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