yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
