i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
