wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
we made out on top of his cat.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
