i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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