help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
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