He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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