I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
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