apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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