it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Everyone says I win the strip club
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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