Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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