you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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