I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
worst night to have a conscience
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
