i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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