I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
