Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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