Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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