I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
