explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
