just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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