On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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