K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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