bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
