I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
