she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
