We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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