Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
