So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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