The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
