If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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