You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
