he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
