Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
