FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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