she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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