I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
