1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize