Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
