Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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