If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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