hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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