Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
