Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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