im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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