Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
