Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize