How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
