He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
