Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
