you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
