Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
