It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
