Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
