i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
