eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
