Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
